Why You Don’t Need To Leave Your Relationship

If you’re struggling in your relationship, you might be thinking about leaving. That’s a normal human reaction, since we all are programmed to avoid pain. However, many an otherwise good relationship has ended because of the failure to understand one simple truth that mindfulness will reveal: your life lessons have nothing to do with your partner. You need to learn whatever you need to learn. Most of the time, whether or not you learn it in relationship with your partner is irrelevant.

We are not usually taught the empowered truth about relationships, which is that your partner’s reactions are never about you. Similarly, your reactions are never about your partner.

We may even take our ignorance a step further by blaming our partner for their weaknesses and faults — even saying it was because they were (insert xyz negative quality) that we left. This is called projection. When you do that, you are giving away your power.

Luckily, no one can take your power without your permission. The only limitations to the expression of your power are internal.

The lessons you have to learn about your power are yours whether you are in a relationship or not.

There are three keys to being in a conscious, healthy, working relationship:

  1. Both partners understand that their job is to work on themselves, and are committed to doing so no matter what.
  2. Both partners understand that their relationship offers the opportunity to love unconditionally.
  3. Both partners have effective relationship skills, including the ability to manage and self-regulate anxiety. 

When you and your partner both assume ownership over your respective work of personal development — not because you are pushing each other, but because you understand the value of personal growth — you become free to be in each other’s lives as witnesses and companions on this blessed journey of discovery. 

When you and your partner both understand that your relationship is where you practice loving unconditionally, you become free to focus on what matters and to love in a way that reflects divine truth.

And when you have effective relationship skills, you can remain connected to the innate freedom of conscious relationship while being able to live authentically in a shared space with another human being. Essential skills include the ability to own your own stuff, to effectively negotiate, to communicate from the heart, to self-regulate emotions, and to please your partner when making love.

Prior to evaluating your relationship, try to answer the following set of questions for yourself personally:

  • Am I fully available for this relationship?
  • Am I aware of my needs?
  • Am I working on myself?

Your relationship struggle is never about the other person. It’s only a symptom that there is a call for you to express divine consciousness, either in your own being or in relation to your companion.

Your success depends only on your ability to get your ego and personality out of the way so you can hear and resolve your own inner conflicts, express unconditional love, and master the skills of conscious relationship. Withholding projections, you will be able to clearly see. And with that clarity will come the ability to really love.

To your success,

Kimberly